so bored..... hmm.... i was jus tinking, am i being used by my uncle? idk, but he gav me a feeling. it is lik, at times he no need me, he wil critic me n stuff. n wen he reali need me, he wil lik ask me 4 help n after tat he wil return 2 his critic. i duno y, wenever i am out wif him, i fear the most is dinner, lunch & breakfast. i duno y, but i never ever enjoy the food(even when the food is seriousli delicious) it is lik he wil ask me if i am stil hungry, n if i say yes, he wil order. but den he wil brag abt me eating alot n stuff 2 my dad. n it is realli veri hurting kinda way. i mean i am growing n he commented me lik tat. am i suppose not 2 eat? idk. n if i say no, i wil hav problem slping. yes, i can always hav instant noodles. but wen i eat it, he wil stil ask me, jus now y didnt u eat more n stuff. n it is lik i duno. sometimes i realli wish 2 pay the food myself. but how am i suppose 2 say? how am i suppose 2 put it in words? i realli try my best sometimes going out wif him is lik i am so restricted. honestly, he is the one n only uncle i dislik going out wif, n i wil realli avoid. i always kept my distant. hais... am i jus a boi who onli noe how 2 eat n do no shit 2 him? hais.....wat am i suppose 2 do? i realli duno. now i may need air brush my the other cousin room. i duno, 1 part of me is lik i dun wan do it. cause i dun enjoy the eating part. the other part of me, i wan cause i lik help ppl. especially my cousin they r my family. i realli duno y... hais, i feel lik i am nt accepted by him. how i wish he noe how i feel. so wat if he has gd study? do ppl judge each other by their inteligence? if they do, i find tis world pretty fuck up. we r al unique in our own special ways. no 1 is perfect. do al high qualified ppl tink they r the best? i dun think so cause my aunt dun think tat way... i duno, i jus find going out wif him stressful, uneasy...wat am i suppose 2 do? hais....



the emptyness in me never fade... it is a dark empty room, wif 1 person. Me.


after the recent incident, the quarrel, i realli cant even trust my veri own family. i duno realli... hais.now it is lik.... hais.... confusion. wat am i suppose 2 do? nvm let ts matter past. dun tink off it. slowly build trust again. accentuate the posistive BRYAN! k bah!!!

mis my dear so so much. it is pretty shity. haha stead wif her on the day she went 2 malaysia. i think she might tak tis chance 2 test my love n faithfulness 2wards her bah. haha. if she do, i tink i wil nt disappoint her. i realli duno y i wil accept her wen she wan me 2 stead wif her.i mean i never meet her. plus i onli tok 2 her in msn 4 lik a nite. n sms not more den 30. n i stead wif her. pretty funny wen think bak.i mean wat if she aint the girl in her pic? bhind the pic lays a plum girl? i tink my life is fucked. haha i duno.wel, a risk i would tak. love her so much. kinda think of it her name, Candy, sounds more n more sweet each passing day. duno y. miss her more n more.... i duno, but i dare nt lay much hope in her, after all she is a playgirl.. she confess 2 me. but she say she wil b serious wif me, or try 2 b serious. it is ok. i am prepared 4 the break up, on the day i accept her. hope everithing went on wel. love u lots Candy. my sweet sweet girl. muacks<3 Stay happy.. =]